Use Or Not Use Social Media ?

Now I know that we live in a world that runs because of technology and how it is easy to spend hours on social media just so you are updated all the time. However, I’ve come across alot of people who have had experiences where it was difficult for them to do any particular task because their mind would always demand a social media break very often.

In my opinion, it is definitely not easy to forget your mobile phones or tabs or ipads completely and just keep on working, a little break is definitely needed. 

Here, what you need to understand is that we need a balance, we need to balance out – work time and social media time. 

A few strategies that helped me gain control over my technology use which may come in handy for you guys.

1. Rewards –

Now this strategy is no new, this is a strategy that our parents have used with us since we were little – a little candy for writing A to Z. We do the same! Only difference, we replace candy with our mobile phones and A to Z with our tasks.

Let me make it a little more easier, you may have your exams coming up or maybe you have a presentation you need to prepare for and you feel absolutely demotivated to choose work or exams over your phone..you can talk to yourself and convince yourself to study or work on your presentation for an hour, only then do you allow yourself to get an access to your phone. Now, I know this is easier said than done, I understand! I hear you!! It is a little bit of a self control skill that may take time, so let’s say you start of with 15 minutes of work and then you get your reward, eventually increasing your task time which then helps to increase self control.

2.Punishment –

Obviously, as the name suggests! Haha. This is exactly the opposite, so if you do not study or work for 30 minutes, for instance, then you don’t use your phone at all. Now, I know you may still try to not punish your self but you really need to question yourself and decide what you want and if you are firm, then I promise you, you will definitely grow through this!

Here, you have it – two techniques only to start a little bit of self control, eventually mastering and learning to create a balance between work and social media time. This may take time, alot of dedication and patience, you may also feel like giving up but even if you could master 5 minutes of self control, here, you have made progress. Always remember, as someone once said slow progress is still progress.

Do let me know below how your experience was and also if you have certain other strategies as I would definitely like to try a few.

Everybody Is Trying…

I’m sure the person next to you is trying to hold up, is trying to clear up a mess, is trying to gather up all of his broken pieces, is trying not to cry, is trying even harder not to have a breakdown…life isn’t easy for them, life isn’t easy for you!

It’s unpredictable but it goes on, life goes on..every struggle has only made you a better person, taught you things that weren’t easy at first, right? If we all know that the people around us, here, at the mall, or at the station or wherever you maybe..are all having their own battles to fight and figure out..what then makes you think that you are the only one struggling through?? That you are the only loner, the only heartbroken, the only one having the “world’s biggest problem”..the problem which seems easy to you, may be a mountain filled with difficulties for someone else. 

We are all different, our problems are different, but we can unite by being considerate towards someone who got mad at you in the train for pushing him, towards someone who was rude when all you did was asked, “How are you?”…we can never wholly understand a human’s mind, their thoughts..but we can always try to ease it a little..you are not alone, you are never alone. 

We are all in this together!!

Oops! I’m Sorry..

SORRY :  A word which is very conveniently used by people for their convenience at their convenience.

Just because someone invented this word,it is very casually used.

Sorry is a responsibility which you take by apologizing for the mistake which was already done and that you won’t repeat it again. It is literally easier said than followed.

MISTAKE : An act which we don’t intend to do at times but still definitely do as we are humans and humans are bound to make mistakes.

There is nothing wrong in making mistakes because at times we do learn from them and some mistakes can be undone whereas there are some which can never be undone no matter what you do!

Ofcourse we are humans and we are bound to make mistakes ! AGREED ! BUT, the most important thing when it comes to making a mistake is REALIZATION of that mistake and the courage to accept, apologise and trying to rectify the same.

I truly believe in forgiving someone if the person has realized his or her mistake even if the person has not come up to me and said sorry or has apologized, rather feels guilty and has realized the mistake.So, realization is the key, followed by rectifying it over just hearing somebody apologize… Sorry needs to be seen in their actions!

Sorry has actually lost its value as it is so commonly used by each and everyone that sorry does not really mean anything to anyone anymore! It means that ‘ I apologize for doing xyz mistake and that I promise to not repeat it again or I will try to not repeat it again’.But we very conveniently say sorry for a particular incident and after few days or weeks or years , we are back to pavilion !

The mistakes can vary from something really worse to something as little as lying about flunking in an exam but a mistake is a mistake , whether something really serious or not.

Mistakes are something done for the first time ,something which you are unsure off, something which you did not know could lead to something unexpectedly wrong , something which was unintentionally done and it’s consequence was pretty unpleasant .The point lying in the fact that mistake is done only once , if it is done for the second time then it becomes a choice ! YES ! the first time it is a mistake but when it is repeated again ,it becomes a choice because you are already aware about it being wrong , being unpleasant ,being unacceptable ; knowing its consequence to be negative, yet if you’ve done it ,it is a choice because you chose to do so!

But remember!

Every mistake in this world can be forgiven . EVERY MISTAKE !! whether it is something really worse or something really little, every mistake can be forgiven because the most important thing is realization of the mistake I repeat!! 

Once you realize that you have done something wrong and you want to make it up to someone, that’s when it is the right time to forgive this person but if that does not happen, no apology in the world can suffice it .

Mistakes can break people, can break relationships and create a big mess but there is always a way out. True people will always stand by you no matter the mistake because one incident, one mistake is not how they define you as a person. Such individuals understand that you are a human and you never had any intentions to blew things up, instead they make things easy for you by allowing you to try, rectify and work towards being a better person.

Just a last thought to add on:

-Cowards are those who try to point out others’ mistakes when at fault because they know that they are weak and need just another excuse because accepting their mistake and apologizing and ofcourse most importantly realizing it is a courageous act and not everybody has the courage to do so.

Yes! It takes a lot of courage to first accept that you’ve made a mistake, everything else will then follow and you will find yourself at peace.

The world is a beautiful place to live in , let’s not make it ugly with our ugly hearts and grudges ,whatever it is , speak up and clear the misunderstanding.Try to value and choose relationships over ego because in the end of the day we are all dependent on each other whether you accept it or not!

Just BE !

You feel awful? You feel like crying?? You feel sad? Lonely and weak? Just let yourself be! Allow yourself and give that space for you to JUST BE! 

Be who you are! Be yourself. You are amazing and worthy. Whatever is that you feel is true and acceptable. I understand why you feel whatever is that you feel or think or do. 

Don’t stop yourself from expressing your true emotions and getting that feeling of freedom and expression. We are humans..one of the most weakest of creations when it comes to emotions and being around people. This weakness is infact honestly our biggest strength, it defines us, it defines our humanity…you just feel more human! 

Emotions are a part of us and we are supposed to be more verbal and expressive about it..journal it down or ring a friend. Do not stop yourself from verbalising your thoughts and feelings because only you alone truly know what you feel or think about something or someone. Only you alone know the reason and the exact emotion attached. Don’t let others mould your emotions or your feelings or your thoughts or you in general! You are you, just be you! 

Also, there is someone out there for sure who believes and values whatever is that you want to say, feel and express. This someone is probably already with you or you may someday find this “someone”…Allow yourself to sometimes feel weak, trust me, it will make you stronger!

Silence – The Loudest Whisper

Probably the most painful whisper is silence, it speaks so much louder and clearer than words ever will! Silence can speak a thousand words, can express a whole story. To be expressive about yourself doesn’t always have to be in words. 

You cannot use words to speak about your pain or scars because you may have been through so much that the expression of pain can only be explained to someone through silence..

You never know when you hurt someone so much , that they almost give up expressing themselves to an extent that you may never hear from them again, their emotions, their feelings…nothing! They just exist around you rather than feeling alive! You need to be aware of such people who talk and express themselves wholly from their hearts.. through their inner voice without a single expression of words. Their silence may talk about some hidden wounds, scars… memories, times they were hurt, feelings of non- existence…

‘Ouch! This hurts!’..they say, yes they do, we as their friends or family, must be there for them…just listen, lend them your ears, that is probably the only thing they want..your presence! You can help such people grow and feel better about themselves. We never know what scarred them and we don’t have to ..we need to make them feel themselves, feel their whole self…

We need to be there for these people by just being there, no extra efforts needed and yet you are doing for them the biggest of favours! 

Men And Emotions…

Men and Emotions literally the most underrated thought in today’s world. We support girls ,women empowerment, girls should be strong and so much more, this is needed too and I agree but I feel that our ancestors have trained us in a way that we create a big deal when we see a man cry. 

I ask why ! Why?!  

Well for starters, let me ask you a very simple question.. how do you define a Man? Society or we people define a man as someone who is strong , should support the family, should be a bread earner, should not express his pain and cry ,should stay strong no matter the situation ..really? Is this how you define a man ? Where have you mentioned about men being humans? Men having emotions? Men feeling pain? Men getting vulnerable?

Well, a man is someone who is a human, who has feelings, emotions, someone who can cry, someone who has a heart ,someone who can also feel pain and someone who can care the most.. sometimes more than a girl ,more than a woman.. YES ! We always underestimate men and emotions. We forget their emotional tendencies, we all must understand that men do have emotions ,they feel ,they cry ,they also care, the only difference between a woman and a man is that he is unable to express how he feels , what he feels  but we need to understand just by their gestures and expressions that they do feel. We forget that they too have a heart that feels, feels every bit of love and pain. Sadly, they aren’t able to be as expressive as women because of an unsupportive society. We must give men a chance to express themselves and feel their emotions wholly! We must stop with the ‘Be a man’ comment and be more of a ‘We are in this together’!

Men hesitate to show their emotions but a woman must try to understand her partner, friend or her brother. Our society has moulded our thinking in such a way that we cannot work our mind straight when a man cries and even when a man wants to cry he has to stop himself, restrict himself to feel , to not express his emotions, only because of our mind set!

I ask why can’t we change our mindset?

Why can’t we give men a chance to be humans? A chance to cry? A chance to express their feelings and emotions ?

and let out their emotions , vent out their pain !

My question to you is :

Why can’t they cry ?

What is the main issue if a man cries ?

Because I feel even they have a heart which can feel the pain and would want to vent out by crying when there is alot happening. Our society labels them as someone weak or perhaps by saying ‘Be a man!’ or ‘stop crying like a girl!’

Well, we all talk about equality right? So..people! Equality must be applied in every aspect including in ways of expressing /venting out of emotions .So if a woman can cry,a man too can cry and show the world that he has EMOTIONS. 

Well to all the men out there, I say there are a few females and humans who tend to understand ,all you need to do is try to find the right person. To all the girls , I know you run the world but the truth or i say the real courage lies in understanding a man only then can I say that you have truly conquered the world because a man and a woman both together can make a whole new world !

Let’s make this world a much beautiful comfortable place to live in where every person feels comfortable and expressive about his or her emotions!

Life is Tough

Don’t just say life is tough!

Do something about it!

I’ve come across so many people who say to me that life isn’t going as it was planned. I ask..your plan?? Do you plan your life ? Like for real?? We are not the writers of our life, things are already planned, written, it is all fixed! We can definitely design our life, add a little bit of colours, a drop of positivity and blending it all together with a dash of love. Don’t just say, ‘My life is tough’, instead question yourself, what can I do about it ? Don’t sulk or cry over it all day. Ofcourse, allow your emotions to flow and express it all, but don’t just stay there, that is the exact point where things seem to appear non functional. Life is going to be full of highs and lows, that is how life works..those are the “rules”. Don’t stop! Keep moving, even if it is as simple as doing the dishes today to just scheduling a day’s work. It all can start with one step at a time, slowly, at your own pace, whenever you are ready. Don’t bother about what other people are going to say or think, this is your life, design it the way you want it! Live it your way! So get up, and get going !! 

Think about things which you feel aren’t functional, things that you feel are going “wrong”, things that you may think are missing. 

Take a piece of paper and just start writing..

“XYZ (a task or a habit) has worked for me and has helped me through years now. I can continue with this.”

“This doesn’t seem to work, what do I do now? Do I need help from someone?

Ask yourself tons of questions, for instance,

  • What has happened now?
  • What can be done now?
  • What changes need to be made now?
  • What is now my next step?
  • What things should be kept in my mind now?
  • How do I grow from this?
  • What did I learn from this mistake?

Remember, ‘now‘ is the key word in every question, because we need to work from the ‘right now’ version of you.

Such similar questions may be so helpful and may make things appear easy, infact there are many more, which you can frame and ask yourself based on the situation.

Life can be made beautiful, just give yourself that time and space, that one chance which you deserve. Yes, my friend, you deserve it. You have come a long way now, you’ve been stronger in the past. You are better than this, just allow yourself. Grab that chance, don’t let it go!!

Please do let me know if this helped, or is there any other technique that you use, may come in handy to me!!Thank you in advance!

It is all OK

You must have heard of, “It is ok to not be ok”…Do you stand by this statement?? Please do! Because it is absolutely ok. It is ok to feel sad or broken or excited or angry…these are all your feelings, your emotions. They make you who you are, allow yourself and feel them completely.

Here, are random 25 such statements which are absolutely ok to face or feel :

1. It is ok to accept compliments!I don’t always have to be so modest.

2. It is ok to ask for help as I am somehow, someway dependent on others.

3. It is ok to feel hopeless on days where I feel all the things are going in the opposite direction. 

(Though, deep down you know everything happens for a reason and for your own good.)

4. It is ok to love someone who doesn’t love me enough.

5. It is ok to mess up things because I am just a human..and humans make mistakes. That’s ok.

6. It is ok to cry, it doesn’t make me weak. Infact, I’m giving myself the freedom of expression.

7. It is ok to fail! I will try even harder tomorrow to be best at this. I know I can do it. I am capable!

8. It is ok to have a bad day. I learnt about managing myself in unpredictable situations and that was a lesson!

9. It is ok to not be good at everything. I am different and capable of doing different things differently.

10. It is ok to feel disappointed. Not everything can be in my favour

11. It is ok to feel pain, hurt and broken. Pain is a part of life. It makes me who I am and accepting it is going to make my life a little easy.

12. It is ok to take a break. There are days when I feel like taking a pause from the world around because I want it!

13. It is ok to have hopes. I just need to keep them real and be practical about them.

14. It is ok to be fearful. Fears have made people stronger in the past. This is my reality that feels challenging.

15. It is ok to be alone sometimes. It allows me to connect with myself and re energise for a better me.

16. It is ok to put myself first. I deserve to first stay mentally healthy myself and then try to look out for others.

17. It is ok to feel rejected. I will be accepted by people and at places which are perfectly right for me.

18. It is ok to be different. It is ok to stand out. There are many many people out there but nobody can be me. I am unique and amazing. 

19. It is ok to unintentionally hurt someone I love. I am sorry about it but I am just a human. I try my best but I cannot make everyone happy.

20. It is ok to do something I like. It is my time and it makes me happy.

21. It is ok to have flaws. They complete me and make me who I am. 

22. It is ok to feel like a loser. Presently, things aren’t going in my direction but I have hope because I know my capabilities.

23. It is ok to quit something that is unhealthy. Quitting (mention your unhealthy habit) made me better, it doesn’t make me a non-achiever. 

24. It is ok to be emotional. I am a human and I have emotions. It helps me discover my true inner self.

25. It is ok to feel. It is ok that I feel my feelings. Feelings are supposed to be felt and not thought about.

How many statements did you find relatable? List them down and tell them to yourself every single morning as an approach towards self care and self love.

Trust me, it is a walk towards self growth!

Spread Kindness… It’s Free

Do you like it when somebody appreciates you? Motivates you? Love you?? Gives you that extra attention you simply need for no specific reason? Gives you their time ? Throws around Kindness like it is free ?? It is free isn’t it ? All of the above, it is all for free, yet how many of us actually invest into this?? And even if we do, we are super stingy, simply ungenerous.

We are only good to people who are good to us. I understand human nature, I understand why you may do so as well, but aren’t we all a part of this world, aren’t we all trying our best to be our best versions?? Aren’t we all in this journey together? Aren’t we all fighters for our own living? You may have heard, ‘Be kind, for every person you meet may be fighting a battle you may not know about’, yet we choose to not take heed. I say, and I wondered to myself one day, why not begin with myself, with ‘I’, ‘me’..what if I decide to just be good …and loving and generous and keep spreading kindness! Why don’t I just begin?!And so I tried and I tried and I still am.. I understand it is hard to be good with people who may have belittled you, but being good to them only shows how amazing and beautiful a person you may be! 

So, just spread positivity and kindness, there are way too many things happening in everybody’s life right now, and just one little statement of, ‘Hey, I’m here for you’ or ‘Hey, I like your shirt’ to a ‘I see that this seems a little difficult, let me try and help’. And if you are somebody who feels that I may not be able to do this or perhaps I may not be able to express it through words, then just smile!! Yes, please, smile !! Smiling can do the trick, imagine, one smile brings you so much health benefits like it reduces stress, increases productivity, elevates joy… along with the other person feeling that you are so generous and loving which reciprocates into this person smiling back!! Just imagine! One smile and so much of positivity and kindness. 

Trust me, it will make you better as a person, your life may seem easier, instead of carrying around other people’s burden, try carrying around your love, positivity and kindness…it is free and healthy! Both for you and the world around! Imagine living in a world where every single person feels this way, just imagine what a beautiful safe and a happy place that would be !! 

Until then..

KEEP SMILING!!

Life is short..

The most common topic ever !! 

You will find this everywhere across the internet, books, people lecturing on this topic, yet and yet!! we couldn’t comprehend this too well, could we? And here I am again, running you through this topic one more time… because this belief of ‘Life is Short’, is actually a skill and a very practical one…a mindset so important! 

This simple thought of ‘life is short’, can actually make you function so differently than your usual self! If you started to believe and live by this statement, then I’m sure you won’t break hearts, you will be nicer and more considerate to the people around you, you will be more aware about what you say or do to yourself or others. You never know when life changes…yours or others..you never know the person you just spoke to two hours ago is now not a part of us. Somebody you just mocked or belittled..is now fighting between life and death. 

Humans are sensitive creatures and you never know what can scar somebody for life or affect their self worth. Something so plain as ‘Oh, that colour looks really funny on you’, one statement, you made it and it’s over for you – but for this person…this person tried to experiment with this colour, only to feel more confident, get out of the comfort zone..and boom! One statement of yours, completely shattered away this person’s self esteem and self worth, like it is nothing!! Do you think this person is going to be able to ever , EVER try to do anything experimental and new without having extreme levels of self doubt??? This was a super basic and a random example.

Be good, it doesn’t cost you anything, be considerate, spread kindness, it’s free…no sales, no discounts, always available! 

Being generous towards others is definitely important..but all this begins with self! Yes, your own self! Be loving and supportive for self so that you drive and spread around the energy you internally feel and may want in return. Practice self- love, certain mental health techniques to keep yourself going, healthy and loving.I do talk about these in my other blogs which you can definitely check out.

Spreading kindness becomes easier if you start from self first!